A Monday lesson, “No one Gets to Tell You How You Feel”
Imagine for a moment that you decided to publicly share the most painful moment of your life, the one that’s still hard to think about or talk about to this day.
Then imagine that someone not even personally involved listens to it online, twists your words, makes assumptions about you as a person, and tries to tell others how you felt or didn’t feel.
That happened to me once.
I straightened my spine and only responded with long blinks and shallow breaths. I know who my defender is and I knew He was with me, listening and helping me stand while holding my heart.
Sticks and stones may break bones but that part about words never hurting? Partially true. They don’t just hurt. They crush into a million pieces.
I wish I could tell you that in the weeks that followed, I continued to stand, firm in who I am, unscathed by his words. But I didn’t. I slipped into numbness and silence, even towards those I live with. I stopped writing. I stopped even wanting to get out of bed in the morning.
And worst of all, I betrayed the one person who knows me better than anyone. I betrayed myself when I allowed his lies to make me question and doubt my own heart.
That was two years ago and here’s what I know today...
I still needed healing even though I didn’t realize it at the time. It was an unwanted gift in that way, one that set me free to be vulnerable and courageous.
I still tell my story. Online. To crowds. To the cashier at Kroger on a random Monday.
No one gets to tell me how I feel or felt, or perceived, or experienced an event. Especially not someone who hasn’t done the brave work of asking a person directly.
At the heart of all of our assuming and creating our narratives about others are two dangerous friends called pride and self-righteousness.
If you’re so sure of how someone else thinks and feels that you’re willing to assassinate their character and speak for them, careful now. You should probably invite them to coffee first.
And if you’re on the receiving end of someone else’s assuming, stand up again.
No one gets to tell you how you feel.